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How to be the Woman Every Man Not Only Desires, but Every Man Needs (Part 1)

By on October 12, 2011

The first thing to address as a woman is to know that God said “It is not good that man should be alone, I will make him a help mate for him”. (Gen 2:18). God wants you to understand your making, developing, and growth were created by God filling a void in the man, and you being a woman is not by man’s design or yours. It is not birthed out of man’s desire, but his need. God must recognize a need in a man in order for him to create you to help him. The first step in being what he not only desires, but needs begins with you knowing that you were created to be his companion. Let’s be clear: not mother, not sister, not whore, but companion. Most men often look for someone they can be intimate with, not anyone to spend a lifetime with. Companion is defined as a mate or match for something; a handbook or guide; a person employed to accompany or assist or live with another in the capacity of a helpful friend. Women, you must ask yourself are you a mate or match? Sometimes we are trying so hard to be different or unique that we become incompatible for him. What you like is not a match for your needs. If you’re going to be the woman he not just desires to spend the night with, but his life time, you must be able to accompany him at any task, assist with anything, and live with him in the capacity of a helpful friend.

Remember, you did not bring yourself, God presented you. Women, don’t chase him, but allow him to discover you. Next, are you a help mate? God designed you to help him be who he is to be spiritually, naturally, and emotionally. Help is defined as to give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need; contribute strength or means to render assistance; cooperate effectively with; to save or rescue; to make easier or less difficult to be profitable. In being the woman he not only desires, but needs, you must be able to give or provide what is necessary to satisfy his need to please God. The purpose of Eve, Adam’s wife, was he needed someone to contribute strength when he got weak in pursing purpose; he needed someone who was willing to render assistance in aligning himself with purpose and destiny. He needed someone to cooperate effectively, not with an attitude, angry, mean, bitterly, unconcerned or lazily or sloppily to the purpose of God. The key element is that no one, not even Adam, recognized that he needed or wanted help, but God knowing what he needed before he asked, created what he needed to bring his life into balance.

The a third point is that Eve was birthed from Adam’s side the same way we are birthed into the kingdom by blood and water from the side of Christ. How men carry things is in their spirit; a woman carries things in her heart. It is important to understand he can carry the vision without an emotional attachment. The reflection is a fixing of the thoughts on something, careful consideration or mediation. In being the woman he not only desires, but needs is a woman who can fix his thoughts on him because she is secure and balanced, thoughtful, and considerate. The woman is a reflection of everything he forgot about that was important like love, patience, joy, peace, goodness, temperance, etc. He is in need of someone who can remind him of what is important outside of him. The woman who can be what he not just desires, but needs is a constant reflection of unselfish love and commitment to God and kingdom.

The fourth point is that she must be a producer. The woman who can be not what he desires, but what he needs can be represented through their relationship between God and the church. She must be able to represent him in the spiritual, academic, career, and social environments. The woman is able to duplicate God’s love back to him. She must be able to receive and give love from him. The woman must be able to reproduce an environment that makes loving her natural and easy. She must be able to foster an atmosphere that makes it natural for him to do what he has never done before by support encouragement, correction, and prayer.

Remember, Adam had to produce something he had never seen or heard of before by his kind. The woman has the power to foster an atmosphere to cause him to believe he can give to her what he has never seen. The woman who can foster a desire for him to achieve what he has never done gives what he has never knew he even possessed.

The fifth point deals with the expression of what’s on the inside of him. Remember women, you were created from bone that had two distinct characteristics, one being arch-like in design: you are flexible and are easily adaptive into the environment in which you were created. You can adapt to where he is and make it better. Your structure is distinct like nothing he has ever seen before because of your adaptability not being rigid and stiff. The second trait is that you were created with strength and designed to operate in a pair. The connection to you does not weaken him, but causes him to be stronger. He has his pair. He sees your unique structure of how you do things; he admires your strength and loves the way you know how to connect to God, to him, to his family, his dreams, his goals, and finally, his life.

The last step in the series of what he not only desires, but needs is your understanding that you were created for his enjoyment. You must not create an environment that it’s all about you, your needs, or what you want. Your creation was based not on desire, but need. God saw that he the man needed someone like you so he would feel fulfilled in his God given role. He already had a job, a home, and a God. Don’t allow him to make you the object of his desire, but view you as a need he can’t live without. Your creation is designed to guard, not wound his heart. You are the one, outside of God, that can make him laugh at life, himself, and sometimes you. Be the woman that generates the creative force in his life that allows him to see the joys out of life and makes him feel fulfilled not by career, credit score, degree, house, car, or achievement, but by his desire and accomplishments of doing God’s will. Hang tight ladies, there are three more parts to come.

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  1. Laketa Mckinney

    October 12, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    I never one time thought about the curved shape of a rib bone until I read this. Point 5 encourages me to be more flexible where the heart is concerned. I anticipate the next installment. Thanks Apostle!

  2. Ketsia Beaubrun

    October 12, 2011 at 11:11 pm

    I have some things to chew on from this post. I really liked the line, “You are the one, outside of God, that can make him laugh at life, himself, and sometimes you.” I have a question tho. As a woman, how do you be all those things for a man (be his compainion, help him towards hid destiny, etc.) and still press to be all God called you to be as well. How do you prioritize to make sure everything is done well? Is it God first, then him, then me? Or is it God first, me and then him. It’s hard grasping the concept of becoming one when as a woman I go into a relationship with dreams and aspirations in God of my own.

  3. Luis Nunez

    October 13, 2011 at 12:27 am

    Awesome word good sir! Honestly cannot wait wait for the parts to come.

    One thing that came to my mind as I read this is that as a man I must be aware that though I know a woman is called to fullfill these things in me, that I dont take it lightly and take advantage of her. And because I know I am capable of doing this, I would love some advice on how not to.

    I hope this means a men’s blog is coming soon! lol

  4. Autumn

    October 13, 2011 at 6:10 am

    Thank you. Good stuff. I can say I’m open to knowing whats next in the discovery of how to be needed as the neccessity. I love it. Thanks again Apostle.

  5. Keesha Sykes

    October 17, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    Most Brilliant & Wise God We Serve! Women are Valuable in God’s Eyes & now that you have Explain our Worth,We(Women)Shall No Longer have any Excuses of being The Woman We was Called to be;In the Sight of God & the Man We was Made & Attended to be with. Thank You for Teaching us the Role that Each of Us was Born to Live. Thank You Father God for Clarity & for the Vessel you’ve Chosen to Instruct us Efficiently as well as Accurately.

  6. Raniesha Weldon

    October 18, 2011 at 2:30 am

    OMG!!!!!!!! You KNOW I’ve been waiting for this! It reads “Sometimes we are trying so hard to be different or unique that we become incompatible for him.”…thats real to me! “In being the woman he not only desires, but needs, you must be able to give or provide what is necessary to satisfy his need to please God.”…awesome nugget and much needed!” The woman is a reflection of everything he forgot about that was important like love, patience, joy, peace, goodness, temperance, etc.”….wow! ” Remember, Adam had to produce something he had never seen or heard of before by his kind.”.. Adam was sleep when this happened!.smh I can keep going…all I have to say is…WHERE IS THE BOOK!!!!

  7. Georges

    October 19, 2011 at 4:25 am

    I been waiting for this to be posted. Good stuff! I like when you wrote “Don’t allow him to make you the object of his desire, but view you as a need he can’t live without”

  8. Kristina

    October 19, 2011 at 10:13 am


    a. bookmarking this to read it again later…it was that good/I need to prepare myself to fully grasp it.
    b. wow I just learned so much, I didn’t even realize that a wife meant so much.
    c. just… (reads again)

  9. Atisha

    October 19, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    I am speechless… Lord help me! I just realized I have a lot of growing to do!!! Thanks Apostle for the enlightenment and keep it coming.

  10. Apostle Clavon Leonard

    October 19, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Ladies it about understanding purpose. Why were you created? Out of a need. You must understand you are not nust wanted but needed but the trick is understanding what you are need for?

    • Autumn

      October 21, 2011 at 1:45 pm

      Makes sense. In order to play any part in a play you would have to learn the part first. So thank for part 1 to the script of a needed part to play in my future husbands life. As a single I have plenty of time to learn it so I won’t be taken advantge of.

  11. Eugene

    October 19, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    This joint is TOUGH!!!! I’m about to send EVERY woman I know to this blog…even my mother!!!

  12. Lenita Livingston

    October 19, 2011 at 6:57 pm

    You have really hit on some good points. Most women try to be a good help mate to their men. They try to support them in all their endevors. There are some men that appreciate having a strong woman who is willing to jump in when he is weak and can’t do it she is willing to pick up the slack and help him as she should. I, being the woman that I am, don’t mind doing all that God wants me to do when it comes to my mate. Just as you said, “Don’t allow him to make you the object of his desire, but view you as a need he can’t live without” That’s what I a trying to be a need he can’t live without. Can’t wait for the book.

  13. Apostle Tracy Foreman

    October 21, 2011 at 12:10 am

    Man of God, Apostle Clavon Leonard! What a precise and clear word from heaven. No one has ever broke it down quite like this. This blog really illustrates the true meaning and orchestration of what husband and wife should be. It also shows a woman her role as a “woman” in her “man’s” life should consist of. The church has it twisted, and many marriages are failing because we have failed to tap into the heartbeat of God when it comes to being a God sent “bride”. So many key things were said, but the third point of this series that caught my attention was the fact that you said, we are producers. We must be able to produce God’s love back to our husband’s. Now that in a nutshell blessed my life. I believe if women get this one point down to a science, many men of God would be happy to come home to her, and stay. Nothing or no one will be able to remove Him from his priestly position, and nothing will be able to stand against His queen. Apostle Leonard, this was definitely a life changing word for my life. Thank you.

  14. Mona

    October 21, 2011 at 12:53 am

    This blog is very inspirational and should be shared with many women. Thanks for sharing, i look forward to more messages.

  15. Pastor B. Moss

    October 21, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    The first paragragh said SO MUCH!!! I believe that this writing certainly is a much needed tool for women everywhere. Help is available if they want to really be helped. Prayerfully this will be like a flashlight to point out what is wrong and illuminate the path to what can be done to aide and assist them. Many are wondering why they are single or why they can’t keep a man, and it may not be THE MAN that is the issue. It could be HER method that doesn’t properly fit the equation of God. I’m enxious to read the next portion of this self help aide. I admonish the women who read this, please take to heart the instructions AND apply them and watch things work for you and not against you.

    Plugged Into Power,
    Pastor B. Moss

  16. Mark Williams

    October 22, 2011 at 1:19 am

    Good article. Will you be addressing the effect that sin had on the role of both men and women?

  17. Valisha D

    October 24, 2011 at 3:12 am

    This mindset is totally new. In our society we as women are taught we must do everything we can to keep a man because we don’t know how long his affection or desire for us will last and that makes sense if we think out purpose lies in a mans desire for us. Things change however when we realize that we are needed and not just wanted or an object of a mans desire. If we really knew why we were created we would be a lot more effective in the things God has placed in our hands including our men. This is really really great, Apostle. Lord I gotta change my mindset Jesus.

  18. apostle leonard

    October 24, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    I am going to be addressing several issues in the book but the blog will hit only surface issues.

    [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ‘0 which is not a hashcash value.

  19. Kim Montgomery

    October 24, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    Wow…I find this to be true “Remember, you did not bring yourself, God presented you!” Apostle Leonard, these were the words my husband shared with me and I could find no words to explain or express the feelings at that time.
    Also, point 4, She must be able to represent him in the spiritual, academic, career and social enviroment….divine revelation is what I receive.
    Continue to be humble before Him and greater things thy shall receive. Be Blessed, man of God.

    [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ‘0 which is not a hashcash value.

  20. Minister Brandon Johnson

    October 26, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    Awesome!!! Anyone in the dark will definately see the light after reading this

    [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ‘0 which is not a hashcash value.

  21. Eldress Shelia

    October 27, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    This is truly an AWESOME blog! I’ve been sharing it with some of the women on my job, from the VP’s on down and they all seem to have the same reaction and response, “When is the book coming out?” and “When is the seminar?” This has truly been an encouraging post especially since I’m in a place of transition…shedding the old and walking in the new…Can’t wait for the 2nd part.

  22. sharon mason

    October 28, 2011 at 8:31 am

    Apostle, this blog is just awesome!In being the woman he not only desires but needs, you must be able to give or provide what is necessary to satisfy his need to please God.A women who has come to love her God and understand that her purpose is to please and bring Him pleasure first,Is she able to produce God’s love back to him so much so that causes him to be rooted and grounded in love?A women who has come to love her God understand her purpose and need to complement him in fulfilling the task of filling, multiplying and taking dominion over the earth, Is she enable by God to flow with him as one?

  23. Joyce Baxter

    October 29, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    That book is going to be awesome,I can’t wait to get that.When I do take that leap,I will make sure it the right calling for me;and the one whom my life will be spent with,he has to be an man of god whom god will put into my lifr, so we will be together for eternity.Amen!!!

  24. Pastor Shannon Mason

    November 3, 2011 at 3:30 am

    Thank you for these thoughts and instructions Apostle. It seems to me that your insights represent well the practical working out of Genesis 2: 18, “The Lord said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”. That phrase “helper suitable” is in the Hebrew “ezer kenegdo”. Ezer meaning “helper” and kenegdo meaning “face to face”. (Interestingly the word ezer is used several other times in the bible, usually to refer to God as our helper.) In each phase of creation, God celebrates it by saying “It is good”. The first thing that He says is NOT good, is man being alone (I definitely had to pause on THAT). So God provides for him an ezer kenegdo- face to face help. I find that many women struggle with being “face to face help” primarily because we have been de-faced, by the conditions and environments into which we were born, life experiences, media and even by our own choices that reinforced our de-faced status. Being “face to face help” requires a level of intimacy, knowledge of self, courage and help from GOD that the fairy tales that we have seen in the movies and the nightmares that we have survived in our own lives have not prepared us for.

    What you have presented here helps us wrestle with what it means to be “face to face help”. May God grant us the healing, grace, and courage to BE who He who has formed us, has created us to be!!! Amen!

  25. Pastor Kiari Dudley

    November 4, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    Well now! After being the wife of my husband for 10 years, I still have lots to learn about how to be what he needs. What a word to further my learning of this lesson! An awesome word from an awesome vessel! Love this…Can’t wait for the book!

  26. apostle leonard

    November 4, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    I want to thank the women for all the great comments. I dont mind a little shaking of the boat to provoke us to explore deeper truths of how we live and think in regards to our roles and purpose in the kingdom.

    [WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ‘0 which is not a hashcash value.

  27. Prophetess Porsha

    November 14, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    Apostle, this blog is awesome- a very insightful and rich word and nugget for my life. You are definitely helping me. Every point was on, you had me a point 5- thank you for the reveal truth regarding the bone1 I am looking forward to the other parts and the book! This blog is a print out and post on my wall:-) Thank you Apostle for submitting to God for Him to use you to write this blog! Time to go read it again!!!!!!

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